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So
I did a lil' ol' trip into the U-nited States of America a few weeks
back, and I thought I'd share with you some of the most exciting
stuff that happened to me, which is, you guessed it: the stuff
that happened while I was all alone driving for hours on end in the van.
What I mean by exciting is, of course: tedious. Interminable is
another word that comes to mind. You see, I've played with
bands for most of my touring career and what that means is: company,
traveling companions, dudes to share the limited air in the van with.
So, even though this was only a relatively short stint, it illuminated
for me what may be the biggest challenge I may face in my music career
to date: finding ways to stay awake/occupied on really long drives
when I'm alone in the van. So, without further ado, I bring you:
Stuff
to do to stay Occupied on long drives:
-
Listen
to the radio. I know this is obvious, but it's saved my
ass many a time. CBC/talk radio especially ... difficult to
find in the US, which brings me to my next point:
-
Attribute
undo synchronicity-type "ooh this is freaky" meaning to
songs that come on the radio. A highlight from my
recent trip: having "American Idiot" by Green Day
come on as I was driving into rush hour traffic in NYC on a friday
evening, the week before the elections ... as he sings "I'm not
part of a redneck agenda" ... and all I can see as I'm looking
around me is urban decay, gridlock and flags everywhere i looked
...
-
Try
to steer with the bridge of your nose. This works
particularly well if you happen to be gifted in the amount of nasal
real estate you were granted.
Stuff
to do to stay AWAKE on long drives: (I've organized these in
increasing levels of severity, as the sleepiness increases, so does the
need for drastic measures.)
-
Listen
to the radio REALLY LOUD.
-
Roll
the windows down.
-
Pinch
and slap yourself on the thighs
-
Pinch
and slap your thighs hard enough to bruise.
-
Now
I only recommend this one to experienced road-dogs. Those of
you with limited experience of driving while you should by all
rights be sleeping should probably just pull over at this point.
It's a little game that my best buddy Steve
Strongman pioneered when he had a to do a few long drives alone:
SLAP YOURSELF HARD IN THE FACE. Now I'm not just talking
about a little smack here, I'm talking about slapping yourself
FULL ON in the face as hard as you can manage.
Now it's a little more sophisticated than it sounds. You gotta
start out by kinda "faking yourself out" with either hand
... y'know: you never know which hand it's gonna come from
... ooooh, fake with the right, then the left pops out and just
brushes your nose, but you duck out of the way and BLAM! the right
hammers you hard on the right cheek while you were dodging the left
... get it? That shit can keep you awake for hours.
Stay
tuned for my next installment: Creative makeup tips for the next day at
the gig ...
Salut,
rob
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